What I'm Reading: The Blessing of a Skinned Knee

The Blessing of a Skinned Knee by Wendy Mogel has been on my "To Read" list since I had P over 5 years ago.  I have learned so much from it already, and I'm only halfway through.

I finally decided to read it because a friend mentioned she was in the middle of it and that it was giving her some practical ways to make life with a toddler less stressful.  I have been struggling with stress and parenting recently, mostly with P, my 5 year old.  Don't get me wrong, L, my 3 year old, certainly gives me a run for my money on a daily basis, but her tantrums and battles are expected.  P is incredibly sensitive, but she has also been giving me serious attitude, which is new within the last few months.  So I was looking for help because clearly, something wasn't working.

Mogel takes her approach to parenting from historic Jewish teachings, and while not a religious person, these teachings make complete sense to me.  No, I do not have to make sure my children like me at all times.  I would rather make them good people who have to learn to deal with disappointment and learn to respect and treat others the way they want to be respected and treated.  They are wonderful girls whom I absolutely adore, but it's okay if they are not the perfect children who excel at everything. They are unique individuals who may never be the best in school or the best at sports, and that's just fine.  (As long as they're pretty.  Just kidding! I couldn't resist throwing in a little joke during this seriousness.)

I want P and L to be happy more than anything else, but I also want them to be good people.  I want them to know the difference between 'want' and 'need,' and to contribute to our life as a family.  I never had to do chores (I know that's crazy), but seeing as there is always so much to be done at home, a little lesson in working together, hard work, and contributing to the greater good would really be beneficial to everyone.

We have started with two small rules: 1) no interrupting when others are speaking, and 2) sitting at the table for meals until you've been excused.  It's amazing how often while I am in the middle of a conversation with one child, the other one comes up, seemingly unaware that someone else is already speaking and that they have to wait.  And I don't know why they both want to eat standing up or bouncing around, but it drives me crazy.  Perhaps setting a new tone for our family will allow me to enjoy the moments more often.

I guess that's where this all comes from - I wasn't enjoying enough of this whole stay-at-home motherhood thing.  I know, that sounds awful and let me tell you, it feels really awful.  The girls are growing so fast (P has two adult teeth coming in and is slowly but surely learning to read, and L can now go to the bathroom - number 1 at least, let's not get ahead of ourselves - by herself), but I've been feeling so frazzled and spread so thin.  And I only have two kids!  I want to enjoy as much as possible and to laugh and play with them while they still want to hang with their momma.

So, I will keep on reading and I will continue to implement new expectations or routines or rules in as gentle a way as possible, and hopefully there will be more smiling and genuine happiness all around.