Monday Musings 8.20.12

I am posting so late - it's 10:30pm - so I am sorry that I didn't do this sooner, but at least I'm here, right? I am quite tired after going to a drum circle on the beach tonight (more on that soon!), so I'm going to keep this one short, but I know exactly what I want to write about today:  motherhood.

I love my girls.  I have been home with them since the oldest one was born almost 6 years ago, and I really do love it - usually.  There are many days when the routine just drives me mad and not spending quality time with adults gets to me, but really, that's my own fault.  So I am going to do something about it.

Today was a big wake up call for me because I decided to go on a bike ride with an out of town guest and leave the girls at home with my parents.  Little L was fine - "Bye, Mom," she said, and immediately returned to playing.  P, on the other hand, got tears in her eyes as I first mentioned the possibility of my going, and then when I told her I was leaving, she was hysterical.  I mean, the girl was bawling because I was going on a bike ride for an hour without her.

I felt terrible that I was making her so sad, but come on!  I need a break, especially after this summer of being home with them non-stop.  We decided not to send the gals to camp to help them with the adjustment back to life in NYC, so it's been us and them all summer long.  And the one morning I say that I am going off for an hour, I get the guilt trip of a lifetime.

What's a mom to do?

I think the answer is that I need to remember that separation is important for not just me, but them also.  I feel so strongly that I always want to be "here" for them, but I need to remember that my going out for an hour or two does not mean that I am abandoning them.  Other people can care for them just as well as I can.  Well, maybe not just as well (I am their mom, after all!), but nearly as well.

So, tomorrow morning I am going on another bike ride and hopefully there will be no tears.  If there are, well, it's just a reminder that separation is something we really need to work on, especially before school starts in two weeks!

I'm off to bed now.  If you have any tips for me on how to handle my sweet P, please do let me know!  I need help with this one...