Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books from back in the day? I think they were popular in the late '70s or '80s, and my family had a big collection of them. "If you would like to open the door on the right, turn to page 31. If you would like to open the door on the left, turn to page 42." I have decided I would like a Choose Your Own Adventure book for my life.
I know, I know - what's the fun in that.
But really, I would like to know how one choice or another would effect me and my family in the long run. I would love to know if one choice would cause mental distress for one of my girls requiring years of therapy as they get older. I would like to be able to see what would happen if we lived here or there, worked in this job or that job, bought this house or that house...You see where I am going with this?
I often say that parenthood should come with a manual. Not just one manual, either, but a manual for each child. I have learned firsthand just how different siblings can be, and having a manual for each would be incredibly helpful.
P's manual would have told us about her desire to suck on things from birth, and perhaps it could have explained what would have happened had we let her keep her pacifier versus forcing her to "find" her thumb. It would have told us that the Richard Ferber sleep book would work like a charm for her and that she really does require at least 10 hours of sleep each night to be pleasant the next day. (That sounds familiar, but I would really prefer at least 11 hours.) P's manual would also have told us a bit about her personality - her sensitive nature and incredible empathy, and how best to support her when really all we want to say is "It's no big deal. Don't worry about it." (B and I both know that brushing off a child's concerns is not the way to go. Remember that therapy I was talking about before...) And now that she is getting older, her manual could teach us about how she will test the limits (cutting her hair during quiet time, for example) and how to deal with each new phase.
L's manual would have had a big disclaimer on the first page (maybe even on the cover) telling us to remember that this little girl is a completely different girl than her big sister. "Yes, they are sisters," it would say, "but what works for one sister doesn't necessarily work for another sister," it could warn.
L's manual would tell us to throw Ferber's book out of the window, along with every other sleep book, because this little munchkin doesn't require as much sleep as her sister and will not do well with the "cry it out" or co-sleeping methods. Her manual would tell us that she is just a feisty girl who has a very sweet side like P, but also who can throw a tantrum like nobody's business and that she will try to assert herself at every opportunity. This manual would tell us to be ready for a battle at almost any turn, but also to prepare ourselves to see the sweet love that P and L give each other...when they are not trying to physically harm one another.
So back to the Choose Your Own Adventure book. There are some questions and possible major life transitions on the horizon for us, and I just want to make sure we are doing what is best for all of us. Is that possible? To do what is best for each member of our little family?
B and I clearly want what is best for our girls, but we have to think about our happiness as well because an unhappy mommy or daddy do not a happy family make. This is where the book would come in. It could show me exactly what I want to know. How will this effect P in the long run? Will L be okay and go with the flow? Is our current home the place of happy memories for them that will be crushed if we move to a different home or a different city? Would they adjust, as many children do, or would they have lingering effects that would weigh on them? Please, where is my book?
I know, there is no Choose Your Own Adventure book for our family or individual manuals for our girls, so we will have to do what feels right in our hearts and in our heads. We will have to weigh the pros and cons and take our girls' very different personalities into account, and then all we can do is hope for the best.
We will have to choose our own adventure and see what happens.
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